There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
