A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have post one night stand depression
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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