And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
