God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
