you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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