The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
