She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
