Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
