I love having hate sex.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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