STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
