i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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