that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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