i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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