So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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