??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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