the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
