apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
