i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
