so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i came on her dog
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
