Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
