OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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