the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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