Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
