our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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