Small penises have feelings too.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
