mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
