god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
