The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
