I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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