He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
