i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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