if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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