my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
