At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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