I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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