I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
