Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
