It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
God, I missed his penis.
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