Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
