I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
