My room smells like vodka and shame
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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