So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
