I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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