I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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