So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
