i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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