brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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