i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
