i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
