Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
